meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
