You made me cry and you don't even care
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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