i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
