i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
