I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
