he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
