Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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