he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
