Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She bit a glass in half.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
