I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
