So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
