please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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