She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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