It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
