1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
