i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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