he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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