Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
