Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
