im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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