Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
