dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
