My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
