I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
