My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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