you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
