my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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