My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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