so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
