I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
