it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
