I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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