do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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