When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
