she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
