What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
