Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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