the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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