just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
