your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
