so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
