Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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