So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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