your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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