you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
