dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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