i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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