I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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