I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
