I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
