what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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