So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
