It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
