shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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