Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
How's work?
Spinning.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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